i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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