My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
