He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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