jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
