he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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