She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
