I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
