just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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