she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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