it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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