WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
