Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
