Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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