i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
