A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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