Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
