What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
