I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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