Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
