just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Is that strawberry winking at me??
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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