I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
stop calling my apartment porn island.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize