I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
