I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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