i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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