Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
