i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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