What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
