Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
