those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
