Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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