HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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