so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
