So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
