good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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