Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
