It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
