she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
