who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
