Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
