So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
