he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
sex in a hospital.. check
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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