You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Who died my cat blue again?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
