I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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