My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
