you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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