I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
