Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
