He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
