I wish my penis had an off switch
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
