Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
