i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
