We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
