Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
