I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
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